I'm re-posting (with his permission) my friend Blair Warren's post "Sincerity Sucks" from his (lamentably) deceased blog, Blair Warren's Crooked Wisdom. I think, in light of too many people in each of our lives and nearly every politician we're aware of, that we need to be reminded of this.

- John

Sincerity Sucks

Author: Blair Warren

Copyright 2005 Blair Warren

Sincerity makes the very least person to be of more value
than the most talented hypocrite. - Charles Haddon
Spurgeon, 19th Century Baptist Preacher

Faithfulness and sincerity are the highest things. -
Confucius

There is no greater delight than to be conscious of
sincerity on self-examination. - Mencius

There is little doubt that sincerity is one of the most
highly prized qualities one can possess. We esteem those
who are sincere and ridicule those who arent. We demand
it of those we deal with and believe ourselves to possess
it at all times. Yes, sincerity is held in high regard.

But something very terrible has happened to the idea of
sincerity. It has become worse than meaningless. It has
become poisonous. And to make matters worse, few recognize
this fact. How do I know this? Heres how:

About a year ago I became very frustrated after being let
down by a number of sincere people on a couple of very
important projects. Now, given that these people let me
down, what makes me say they were sincere? They TOLD me
so. They assured me I could count on them to come
through and then when they didnt, they assured me they
were sincerely sorry and wouldnt do it again. Of course,
they did do it again. And yes, they were sorry for that,
too.

Now Im as willing to forgive and forget as the next guy,
but these people are forgetting something very important
and that is this:

When it comes to getting things done in life, a pattern of
behavior beats a claim of sincerity every time.

Is this obvious? Not at all. At least not to the vast
majority of people. How can I make such a blanket
statement? Well, in the wake of the let downs I just
described, I sat down and wrote the following:

To gain the favor of others, be sincere when making
commitments to them. To retain the favor of others, be
more sincere when you apologize for breaking these
commitments. I cannot overstate the importance of
sincerity.

Now, in case you missed it, this advice is sarcastic. I
only point this out because almost no one who reads it
recognizes the sarcasm! In fact, a lot of people whove
read it said that it was valuable advice for dealing with
other people. Of course, sincerity is important, they
would say. Maybe even the most important thing of all.

Well, these people are wrong. Dead wrong. And what makes
the problem even worse is they dont know it. This is what
makes those who falsely profess sincerity so dangerous
they actually believe their own lies!

I submit that all the promises of sincerity in the world
mean nothing without the follow through to back them up.
In other words, I dont care how much you claim to be
sincere; if you repeatedly fail to follow through, youre
not.

Now, while this is easy to see when it is written on paper,
it is horribly difficult to recognize in real life. And
whats worse is, those who recognize it are quickly dubbed
insensitive for doing so.

I know this because when I confronted those I mentioned
earlier about their lack of follow through and refused to
accept their sincere apologies, I was labeled an ass. Of
course, they werent asses for failing to live up to their
commitments, only I was one for failing to accept their
sincere apologies.

I have news for them. If they think I was an ass then,
theyre really going to think Im one now. Why? Because
heres another piece of news for them:

Their claims of sincerity are counterfeit. They are
worthless. And not recognizing this fact is one of the
biggest differences between them and those who actually get
things done in life. In other words, failing to
discriminate between claiming sincerity and
demonstrating sincerity is one of the primary causes of
frustration and failure in our lives.

Again, few understand this because few have ever stopped
long enough to consider it. With just a little reflection,
the truth become clear; sincerity, as it is understood
today, means nothing. Literally.

When you repeatedly fail to live up to your commitments,
being more sincere when you apologize for your failures
MEANS NOTHING!

Failing to live up to your commitments and then expecting
sincere apologies to make up for it doesnt make you
sincere; it makes you UNTRUSTWORTHY.

Sincerity has become a plague. A silent killer of
relationships and productivity. When someone says theyre
sincere youre supposed to let go and stop pressing. When
they fail to perform, what are we supposed to do? Thats
right, accept their sincere apology and forgive and
forget. Nonsense.

Heres a better alternative.

Realize that claims of sincerity are worthless. Realize
that we can never know if another person is sincere.
Never. We can only know if another person was sincere.
Likewise, we can never know if we are sincere. Never. We
can only know if we were sincere.

In other words, in the present moment sincerity means
nothing. Ones actions are all that matters. Sincerity is
nothing but a label we put on past experiences to describe
people who actually did what they said theyd do.

Does this sound harsh? Perhaps. Is it true? Absolutely.
If sincerity is to ever mean anything at all, it must be
something we demonstrate rather than proclaim.

So why do we still hold sincerity up to such esteem?
Because it serves as a short-term fix in our daily lives.
As long as we accept each others empty claims of
sincerity, our relationships will be happy and
harmonious in the short run. Ultimately, they will be
unproductive and eventually destroyed because if we cant
count on each other, our chances of success, and maybe even
survival, are nil. So which do you prefer?

Regardless of your choice, never kid yourself - sincerity
is meaningless. Actually, it is worse than meaningless. It
sucks. And I mean that. Sincerely.